The “9 to 5” School Day?

When I read the news recently that President Obama wants to extend the school day, my anxiety level crept up a notch. The school year had just begun, and I was already dragging my poor kids out of bed before dawn and struggling to squeeze in homework, dinner, showers, and reading before bedtime. Longer school days would mean even fewer hours at home.

The story that many news organizations carried in late September was based on comments the President made back in March 2009, during a speech about education reform. Following is an excerpt from the transcript, which can be found at http://www.whitehouse.gov/the_press_office/Remarks-of-the-President-to-the-United-States-Hispanic-Chamber-of-Commerce/

“Now, I know longer school days and school years are not wildly popular ideas. (Laughter.) Not with Malia and Sasha -- (laughter) -- not in my family, and probably not in yours. But the challenges of a new century demand more time in the classroom.”

I’m a big proponent of education. I believe parents should instill the value of education in their children and make school a priority. Not only do children acquire important skills and knowledge in school, but also they learn vital life lessons, such as how to interact with peers and function independently.

However, I’m not in favor of longer school days or years because more time in school means less time engaged in other activities with educational, cultural and social value, such as extracurricular activities (music, sports, art), family time, reading and, perhaps most important, sleep.

It’s not even clear that longer school days would benefit children. The Associated Press reports the following (http://www.washingtontimes.com/news/2009/sep/29/obama-pushes-longer-school-days-shorter-breaks):

“Children in the U.S. spend more hours in school (1,146 instructional hours per year) than do those in the Asian countries that consistently outscore the U.S. on math and science tests - Singapore (903), Taiwan (1,050), Japan (1,005) and Hong Kong (1,013). That is despite the fact that Taiwan, Japan and Hong Kong have longer school years (190 to 201 days) compared with the U.S. school year of 180 days.”

I think we’re already putting too much pressure on children today, from kindergarten through high school. Kindergarten is no longer an experience that eases kids into school with low-key activities such as coloring, singing, and show and tell. Now, it’s more like first grade used to be. And high school students are under a ridiculous amount of pressure due to the highly competitive college admissions environment. They’re stretched thin, sleep deprived and stressed out.

Meanwhile, an extended school year would impact segments of our economy that enjoy a boost during the summer, such as travel and tourism. And how are we—as a nation—going to pay for extended school hours.

Longer school days means more costs. And less time for kids to be kids.

Behavior Modification (for Parents, Teachers and Students)

I received the following two e-mails from teachers recently:

I'm a 16-year teaching veteran in the Los Angeles USD. The below essay I wrote for Huffington Post describes a recent classroom experience.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/dennis-danziger/i-want-to-get-rid-of-tony_b_163778.html

The results of this student's off-the-chart behavior was nothing. The administration took no action against a 14 year old who was seriously disturbed and potentially dangerous to himself and others. I spoke with the mom, I met with the mom, she didn't really accept that her son was troubled, though he earned all Fs and ditched almost all of his classes two to three times a week. Most of the time he was stoned and he didn't bathe often. It was apparent. Despite calls home and a conference, the parent never followed up; the student's actions never changed.

***

I'm a teacher in a wealthy area and we have some doozies for parents (and kids sometimes). In an atmosphere of entitlement and with an administration that is often intimidated by the clientele, our parents often get their way. They have learned that the louder they yell, the more likely it is for the situation to go their way. I have had some successes (and some failures) working with this population and getting them to work with the school/teachers/admin rather than against it.

***

These stories illustrate two common problems teachers face: (1) demanding parents and (2) uninvolved parents.

While teachers are often frustrated by the behavior of parents, parents are just as frequently distressed by the actions of teachers—which leads to more negative behavior.

Listening Is the Key to Resolving a Parent-Teacher Conflict

I recently spoke with Mary Ann Lowry, a parenting coach, school consultant, and former teacher for twenty-one years (http://createanewseason.com/index.html). She advises parents who are displeased with a teacher’s actions to “listen; don’t rush to judgment.” It’s important to consider the teacher’s version of events and explanation.

Lowry advises teachers who are confronting an irate parent to avoid becoming defensive, listen to the parent’s concerns and ask questions. Asking questions prompts the parent to think about whether their demands are rational and to consider other perspectives.

When Lowry was acting as a consultant to a private school in California, she witnessed a child’s parents disparage a teacher and the school in front of the child. “That’s sending the message to the child that, basically, you don’t have to have respect for authority. I don’t think that’s the message parents want to send,” she says.

The parents were upset with the teacher and school administration for suspending their child for hitting a schoolmate and refusing to listen to their child’s explanation. The parents claimed the child was provoked, but the school has a zero tolerance policy for hitting.

Lowry invited the parents into her office to discuss the situation. They wanted to complain about the teacher, but she shifted the discussion to more productive territory by asking questions. She asked the parents if they were certain their perspective of the situation was accurate; they acknowledged they were not. She asked how they would want the school to handle the situation if their child was the one hurt. She asked what they want their child to learn from the experience.

“I always tell parents anytime there’s a discipline issue, we’re imposing a consequence because if there’s not a life lesson involved, we’re not doing our job,” she says. “I advise them to think about: what’s your goal for your child? Do you want them to get an education or learn a theme of anti-authority or authority figures are out to get them.”

The child’s parents understood, and began working with Lowry to develop a behavior management system for their child. The teacher later joined the discussion. “They were calmer and apologized to her,” Lowry said.

Lowry says if a parent continues to be hostile, the teacher should end the conversation. “I’ve had parents start cursing. When they start attacking me verbally, I say, 'Unfortunately, I’m going to have to end this meeting; we’re going to have to meet in front of an administrator because I don’t feel comfortable talking to you.'”

Ask Questions When a Child Misbehaves; Don’t Lecture

Asking questions is also an effective approach with children, Lowry says. “I tell parents to ask questions because the odds of kids processing everything you say in a lecture is pretty nil,” she says. “Every time you ask questions, it’s much more likely to take because by answering the child is actually forming new neural connections, and that’s how learning happens.” The key question that promotes learning is “What could you do differently next time?” she says.

Parents want to protect their children from negative experiences, but facing consequences prepares children for the outside world, Lowry says. Some children “walk away from childhood with the belief that anyone who challenges them is a real jerk.” They grow accustomed to having their parents bail them out of every problem. “Once a child hits a university setting, there’s very little the parent can do,” Lowry says. A child who learns to disrespect authority is also likely to face difficulty maintaining a job.

Lowry urges parents to read the school's student handbook at the beginning of the year and call the school if they have any questions or concerns. “Be acquainted with school’s discipline policy. They are there for the benefit of all children. If schools look the other way, they’re setting themselves up for liability,” she says. “Our first role is doing what’s in the best interest of their child and in the best interest of all the children in the school.”

Develop Innovative Solutions if Parental Support Is Lacking

On the other end of the spectrum, some parents fail to take an active role in their child’s education. Typically, they’re too overwhelmed with other responsibilities.

To encourage support from uninvolved parents, Lowry advises teachers to try to find some contribution the parent can make—however small. “I ask them 'What’s your schedule like? What would be the easiest thing to do at home,' even if it’s just to take a notebook out of the backpack.” She urges teachers to “try to understand rather than blame” parents.

If a student is struggling with a problem, and the parent is clearly unavailable to help, then the teacher has to find another way to handle it. “I’ve started telling teachers, I think we’re going to have to get off the bandwagon of saying it’s the parent’s fault.”

When Lowry was teaching, she struck a deal with a colleague: “If someone was being a clown in my class, they could go sit in her room,” she says. “I’ve had students beg me not to send them into the other class.”

She also offered her class five minutes of free time if they ignored a student who was engaging in distracting behavior. “There’s nothing worse than being in class when no one will engage with you. Pretty soon, the behavior goes away because it’s not working.”

The View From Both Sides

It’s easy to relate to teachers—if you’ve been one. The following guest writer tells us how her experiences as a teacher influenced her attitude as a parent.

When I hear the phrase “parent-teacher partnerships,” I can’t help but think back on my first year as an educator. Fresh out of graduate school, I was very eager to meet my new students and their families. I had high hopes about the many relationships that would blossom as a result of my new position. I was fortunate enough to land a job in a large urban district in the very same city where I grew up. I knew that I would be teaching in a diverse neighborhood and that some of my students would be coming to me from low-income households. The school was not far from the building where I was raised and was directly across the street from a church I had spent a great deal of time in as a girl. I knew the area very well and wanted so much to become an integral part of my pupil’s lives.

Sadly, right from the start, I found myself facing situations and problems I could never have foreseen. I was only twenty-five and had no children of my own, and some of the parents I was working with were younger than I was. Some of them looked upon me as a glorified babysitter—nothing more, nothing less. In addition, I got the sense that some of the parents had preconceived notions about me. Each day was a challenge. I was dealing with both the typical first year jitters and some scenarios I was not yet prepared for. When I reached out to the parents, many of them were unresponsive or downright hostile. To say my experience was, at times, disheartening, would be an understatement.

On a more positive note, many of the storm clouds I encountered that year, and in subsequent years, definitely had a silver lining. I met some wonderful parents during that time. Some of the good relationships that developed were rewarding and inspirational. All I ever really wanted as a teacher was to be able to discuss problems and progress with the parents without being set upon. I was on their team and could not understand why so many of them did not choose to see it that way. The best parent-teacher relationships I experienced were the ones based upon mutual respect. I remember one very conscientious parent in particular who sent notes or called me regularly to discuss things or ask questions. I welcomed her inquiries because her approach was always lovely, and I knew how much she cared about her little boy’s growth. In addition to asking questions, this same parent never hesitated to express basic gratitude. I truly appreciated being given the opportunity to work with her and her son.

I left the classroom behind when I became a parent and now find myself on the flip side of the situation. Having been a teacher in the past does not prevent me from getting the butterflies each time I have to go to a parent-teacher conference. As human beings, it is in our nature to not want to hear anything negative about our little ones—even when it is constructive. I certainly do not think that teachers are always correct, and I do believe that we need to be strong advocates for our children. Gone are the days when our parents wouldn’t dare to question teachers at all, and thank goodness for that! Unfortunately, some of the most fundamental social graces and manners seem to have fallen by the wayside, as well. One can be proactive without constantly being on the offensive. I have had the chance to attend several “open house” functions since school began for my oldest child and have witnessed parents standing up and firing questions at teachers in a less-than-nice manner. I cringe when I see this, because I am well aware of the many responsibilities and pressures teachers already have piled upon them.

In the end, I think that good old-fashioned courtesy is one of the best ways to foster a healthy and productive parent-teacher partnership. Not only will this keep the lines of communication wide open, enabling parents and teachers to work together to monitor academic progress, but also we will be teaching children, by example, some invaluable life lessons.

Heather Baker
New York

A Bronx Teacher’s Tale

While a cooperative parent-teacher partnership can foster a child’s academic success, the student-teacher relationship is often the key to unleashing the student’s potential. The following guest blog entry, written by a retired middle school teacher, demonstrates the profound and lasting effects of a positive student-teacher relationship based on mutual respect. (Note: Students’ names have been changed.)

I worked in a Bronx intermediate school near Yankee Stadium (a shrine to this Bronx kid). I was a physical/health education teacher, a team leader, and an assistant principal over the course of thirty-three years.

In my second year of teaching (1969), I was asked to coach the school basketball team. Of the eleven players who made the team, seven were graduating seniors. It was the start of a forty-year saga that has profoundly enriched my life. I had never experienced anything like the chemistry our team had, and I haven’t since. It has transcended, race, time, distance, and the vagaries of life. I’ve been playing baseball for fifty-one years, and I’ve coached several youth sports teams, and I have not had a similar experience.

Six of the seventh and eighth graders on that team remain friends to this day. We are physically separated by hundreds of miles in some cases, but we are always together in spirit. In addition, each of them keeps in touch with many other friends in that graduating class. We were brought together twice within the last year under unfortunate circumstances. During that time, I also reconnected with another student who I taught about fifteen years after I coached that 1969-70 basketball team. The events that have unfolded over the past year have overwhelmed me, and I have not yet been able to fully grasp the profound meaning of it all.

Summer 2008

I got a call from Scotty. He told me his father had passed, and he would appreciate it if I would come to the funeral. He said Charles and Marcus would be there, and they were all looking forward to seeing each other and me.

It was a bittersweet reunion. We were early and had some time to look through the 1970 yearbook and do some catching up on family news.

Charles told me that his youngest daughter was playing competitive basketball and doing quite well. He went on to say that he worked with her when she was starting out, teaching her the game the same way that I had taught him.

We talked about particular games. It was amazing that the four of us could recount the highlights of several of those games. They reminded me of the few times when I raised my voice in the huddle during time-outs or on the sideline. They also reminded me of the times when I said nothing and just gave them “the look” (their term) that spoke volumes. I would have liked to remind them of some of their frailties but couldn’t think of any.

Karl was not able to attend the funeral because his job with the military involves a great deal of traveling. He spoke with Scotty and I as soon as he got back. Karl has never forgotten my opening statement at the first round of tryouts for the 1969-70 team: “I won’t ‘cut’ any of you; you will cut yourself.” I have always told students that teachers don’t give them grades; they give themselves the grades that they earn by doing their class work, handing in their homework on time, and studying for tests.

One event is mentioned during every phone call and any time we get together. I have always believed it was the official beginning of our history together:

We lost our first three games. One of the losses was to a junior high school that had ninth graders on their team. To this day, we can’t understand why we didn’t win those three games. The first practice after the third loss started with the team sitting in the bleachers (shoulder to shoulder in the same row) and me standing in front of them. My brief speech is a consensus version: “We have put in a lot of long and hard practice time. We’ve lost our first three games. As I see it, we have two choices. We can simply drop out of the district’s league. Not all of the intermediate schools participate. Or, we can work even harder at practices and…” The eighth graders stood up and walked toward the court. The seventh graders stood up and followed. They picked up a basketball and began their lay-up drill.

Fast forward to our last game of the season. We had just defeated the faculty team for the second time. Scotty remembered what he was thinking: “The buzzer went off. We had defeated grown men, in an empty gym, for a second time. The first time was in front of the entire school. We headed to the locker room, trying not to be too excited since they had our short-term future in their hands. This was not college or high school, but twelve and thirteen year olds, defeating our teachers by a lot in the annual student/faculty game. Our coach had never coached a basketball team before. Our record was fourteen and four. We won thirteen games in a row and fourteen out of fifteen of our remaining games. We won the District Championship. I realized two things: we were talented, and that something special would happen to all of us, but I couldn’t put my finger on what.”

To this day, the teachers can’t understand why they didn’t win those two games.

Winter 2008

During the thirty-two years that followed my first season coaching basketball, I taught thousands of students. But one in particular continues to stand out in my mind. It was a matter of days before I had a gut feeling that Rashaun was exceptional. He seemed more mature and confident than his classmates, without a trace of arrogance. His social skills came naturally, and he was well-liked by all of the other students.

His grades were typically in the 95 percent to 98 percent range. He was gifted academically and athletically. But he did not perform well on standardized tests.

In 1983, Rashaun’s graduation year, it was my school’s turn to have a few of our top students compete with students throughout New York City for admission to some of the best private high schools on the east coast. We received a visit from the director of a prestigious educational assistance program. He explained the program’s admission requirements, and the rigorous and comprehensive interview process that each student must undergo. One of the admissions requirements was high standardized test scores.

When the meeting ended and the teachers left the office, I asked the program director if he could stay to discuss one of our candidates. I told him that our top candidate, Rashaun, would not make the cut because of his standardized test scores. I asked him to speak with Rashaun for five minutes. If after that he decided to factor in the test scores, so be it.

Fast forward to the end of the selection process. The program director and I were again sitting in my office. He said Rashaun finished the interview process with one of the highest scores among all of the candidates in the City.

Rashaun was accepted to a prestigious private high school. He excelled in both academics and sports at the school. He played eleven of twelve semesters on three varsity sports teams. He was captain of the baseball team three times, basketball twice, and football once.

In the summer of 1987, I drove to the apartment where Rashaun lived with his grandparents, helped him pack his bags, and drove him to Yale University. We spent the day moving his belongings into his room, buying his books, and walking around the campus. I did the same things when I drove my daughter to Cornell that same summer.

When he graduated from Yale, Rashaun went back to the high school he attended. He went to Temple Law School at night while teaching and coaching at his former high school. He lived in the dorm and was the Director of Student Activities.

Today Rashaun is a prestigious business litigator at a large law firm. In 2007 he was the subject of an article in a prominent law magazine.

Every December I receive a holiday card or an e-mail from Rashaun. In December 2008, his e-mail began with the usual holiday greetings. But this time he wrote that he had been in a car accident some months before, and had undergone physical therapy. His physician told him not to run or play basketball. Even before the accident, he was annoyed that he had become out of shape. He wrote that he planned to call me in a couple of days to speak with me about eventually getting himself back on a basketball court.

I didn’t hear from him for a while, so I e-mailed him. We arranged a day and time to speak. That first phone call lasted more than two hours. Over the next several months, I’ll be giving him a private, individual version of the Wellness and Physical Fitness course I created and teach at a local university.

Spring 2009

Nearly a year after the first reunion of the 1969-70 basketball team, I got a call from Scotty. He said that Walt’s mother was critically ill, and he was driving up to New York. Walt was not able to attend Scotty’s father’s funeral last summer and asked if we could get together. Walt’s mother passed the day before we planned to meet for lunch. He insisted on getting together because he needed to be with us, especially now.

When I arrived at the diner, Walt told me that it meant a lot to him that I had come. He handed me a large plastic bag. The others at the table suddenly got quiet. I reached into the bag and removed a large two-foot by four-foot poster board with a collage of pictures from the 1970 yearbook. I brought that yearbook with me to the funeral last summer, and I had it with me again so that Walt could look through it as the others had done. However, he got a copy of the yearbook from a friend and carefully removed our team picture and all of the candid shots taken during games. The team picture appeared in the middle of the poster, surrounded by the candid shots. I began to well up, but the team didn’t notice as they started pointing to different pictures and saying things like, “This was the game against…” I joined in. I told them I was going to put the picture in my car. I just needed to get outside and get it together. I was moved by the thoughtfulness of Walt’s unexpected gift. As I was trying to speak coherently, Walt quietly said to me, “I’m just glad you like it.

We were there for three and a half hours. Walt was calling mutual friends and telling them he was with Scotty, Charles, Marcus and Dr. Schwartz. We all had a chance to chat with each of them. But it was Desiree who brought tears to my eyes. What she said not only encapsulated our story, but also emphasized the power of mutual respect and the dangers of stereotyping: “Do you know it’s been forty years. We were saying, ‘What’s this skinny white man doing in our neighborhood?’ But you’ve been and still are such a big and important part of our lives for practically all our life.”

I later called Walt to find out the time and place of the funeral. We somehow got into a discussion about the team concept. He said that one of the most rewarding things about our team was that we played as a team and nobody thought of himself as a star. He remembered a time when a graduate of the school who used to play on the basketball team asked him, “Are you ‘the man’ this year?” Walt replied, “We’re all ‘the man.’”

We talked about my coaching philosophy. He told me that when he works with his boys, he starts every practice session with the “shuffle” drill and does other drills without using a ball. We often walked and ran through offensive plays without the ball.

I spoke with Karl a few days after Walt’s mother’s funeral. He was hoping we could all get together this summer under more pleasant circumstances, and the conversation again shifted to the team. He told me, “We enjoyed you. Imagine enjoying a teacher.”

Marcus calls me from time to time, and we also talk about the team, coaching basketball (he coaches basketball in his school district’s recreation program), and about how education in general relates to the world we live in.

In one of our recent phone conversations he referred to the point in history when we started our journey together. The country was trying to cope with a tumultuous and perilous time. There was Kent State, race riots, the Vietnam War, and a great divide in America. Everything was changing. The world was changing. But we were immune to it all.

During another recent phone call, Charles spoke about the term “role model.” It wasn’t a part of our language yet. When it did become part of our vocabulary, sports stars were considered role models because they appeared in the newspapers, on TV and on billboards. Kids looked up to them, idolized them. Teachers could also be role models, but the thinking was that teachers should live in the districts where they taught so they were visible 24-7.

Charles said, “You didn’t live here, yet you knew my mother and my brothers and sisters. That’s what breaks down barriers.”

Each of us agrees that playing team sports can teach life skills and positively influence the values we internalize. Charles said, “If all you’ve gotten out of playing a game is that you played a game, you cheated yourself”.

Karl believes that the glue of all relationships is “caring.” When people care about one another, it creates a bond that cannot be broken. He said, “One of the reasons why we played so hard was that we never wanted to let you down.”

Nobody ever complained about not getting enough game-play time, Karl told me. Everyone on the bench cheered for the five who were on the court. “It was just the way it was. Whenever you made a substitution, every player that went in played his heart out.”

To me, it meant that these seventh and eighth graders understood the concept of “team.” They personify one of my favorite sports slogans: “Losers quit when they’re losing. Winners quit when they’ve won”.

Karl told me, “If you were anybody else, it wouldn’t have worked.”

No magic formula exists that confers upon individuals the readiness to trust and respect others, the ability to understand and learn from one another, and the capacity for compassion instead of indifference. It’s all about the choices we make.

As Scotty thoughtfully, but succinctly, puts it: “All of this started with a basketball.”

Irwin Schwartz

Dr. Irwin Schwartz, Ed.D. is a health and fitness professional with more than 35 years of experience in the field. He created the curriculum for the Wellness and Physical Fitness course at Pace University in 2000, and has been teaching the course since then. Before joining the faculty at Pace, Dr. Schwartz had worked at a junior high school in the Bronx since 1968. He served as an assistant principal, health and physical education instructor, team leader, health coordinator, and coach. He’s currently writing a book based on his philosophy and approach to health and fitness.

Building Successful Partnerships With Parents

Parents can be a source of support for teachers, or they can create obstacles to success.  To develop positive relationships with your students’ parents and encourage their cooperation, try the following three-pronged approach:

1.) Open the Lines of Communication

* Send home a detailed welcome letter the first day of school, or mail it before school starts.  The letter should contain information about yourself, your policies and the curriculum.  Most importantly, include your contact information and encourage parents to get in touch with you if they have any questions or concerns throughout the year.

* Deliver a thorough presentation at parent orientation.  In addition to discussing your curriculum, tell parents about yourself, including your background, your teaching style, and your philosophy on homework and tests.  Be receptive to questions and come across as approachable.

* Gather valuable information through written surveys. Ask parents about their child’s strengths and weaknesses, their interests outside of school, their attitude toward school, and their study habits. Parents will appreciate the opportunity to share information about their children that will help you get to know them.

* Contact parents to report positive news.  If you’re an elementary school teacher, call each of the parents in your class to give some positive feedback. For example, tell them their child scored 100% on a spelling test or their child is making friends.  If you’re a middle school or high school teacher, you can send a mass e-mail or a note home to let parents know the year is off to a good start.

2.) Maintain the Home-School Connection

* Keep parents informed.  Send home a letter, newsletter or notice regularly about classroom activities to keep parents in the loop. Parents also appreciate advance notice of upcoming assignments.

* Invite parental involvement in the classroom. Elementary school teachers can invite parents in to read books to the class, share information about their cultures, or demonstrate a hobby.  Middle school and high school teachers can invite parents in as guest speakers if they have a career that’s relevant to a particular unit of study.

3.) Tackle Problems Constructively

* Contact the parent as soon as you detect a problem. Your role isn’t to inform the parent that their child is struggling with a problem—whether it’s academic, behavioral or social. You want to enlist their help in resolving it. 

* Take a positive approach.  Acknowledge the child’s positive attributes.  For example, you can say, “Your child has these good qualities, but I’m concerned about this one area.”  Also reassure parents that their child can succeed if you work together.

* Listen to the parent’s input.  Parents have information about their child’s past behavior or academic issues that can shed light on the situation you’re facing.

* Recommend a solution that involves the parents. Tell parents what they can do at home to reinforce what you’re doing in the classroom to help their child overcome the problem. 

* Remember, the parent is your partner.  Parents bear part of the responsibility for their child’s education.

If you have any questions, feel free to e-mail me at natalie@laureltonmedia.com.  Please read last week’s article on effective strategies parents can implement to build successful partnerships with teachers. 

Building a Successful Partnership With Your Child’s Teacher

On the National PTA’s list of Top 10 Things Teachers Wish Parents Would Do, “be involved” ranks number one. Studies show that parental involvement has a major impact on a child’s academic success. To support your child effectively, strive to develop a cooperative relationship with his or her teacher using the following three-pronged approach:

1.) Open the Lines of Communication

* Give the teacher your contact information at the beginning of the school year, and welcome the teacher to contact you for any reason. If you don’t have a chance to meet the teacher at parent orientation, send a brief note or e-mail.

* Find out how the teacher prefers to communicate, whether by written note, e-mail or phone, so you can ensure a quick response to your future questions and concerns.

* Volunteer your time. Offer to come into the class to share information about your culture, career or interests if they are relevant to the curriculum. Offer to assist the teacher with administrative duties, project preparation or other useful tasks.

2.) Maintain the Home-School Connection

* Get involved. Volunteer with your school’s PTA to support your child’s teacher and school.

* Stay informed. Set aside time to read the notices, newsletters and progress reports the teacher sends home. Visit the teacher’s website and the school’s website regularly.

* Communicate with your child. Ask your child if he or she handed in yesterday’s homework assignments and studied for upcoming tests. Look over the homework to make sure it’s high quality.

3.) Tackle Problems Constructively

* Approach the teacher as soon as you detect a problem. If you have a concern, your child’s teacher will want to know about it so he or she can address the issue.

* Don’t contact the principal or another administrator instead of the teacher. This approach conveys to the teacher that you don’t respect him or her as a professional, which will damage your relationship going forward. In addition, the principal is probably going to refer you to the teacher or get the teacher involved.

* Adopt the right attitude. In a professional and respectful manner, explain your point of view and ask the teacher for his or her perspective. For example, you can say, “This is what I’m noticing…. What’s your take on the situation.”

* Listen to the teacher’s viewpoint. The teacher offers an important perspective because he or she observes and interacts with your child in an academic setting.

* Give the teacher your input. Tell the teacher what you know about your child’s past academic experiences and behavior that will help the teacher serve your child better.

* Value the teacher’s recommendation. Parents are experts on their children, but teachers are experts in the field of education.

* Offer to be part of the solution. Ask the teacher what you can do at home to help support what the teacher is doing in the classroom.

* Remember, the teacher is your ally, not your adversary. Your child’s teacher is on your side and shares your goal: the academic success of your child.

If you have any questions, feel free to e-mail me at natalie@laureltonmedia.com. Please check back next week to read my article on effective strategies teachers can implement to build successful partnerships with parents.

Unleashed Emotions Spark Success in Middle School, Says Author Bernie Schein

As the new school year swiftly approaches, parents of sixth graders are bracing for their foray into the dreaded middle school years.  Veteran middle school parents have warned them that their obedient, pleasant children are about to morph into angst-ridden pre-teens, percolating with an explosive concoction of attitude, anxiety and hormones.  Parents are wondering how they’re going to facilitate the academic progress of their middle school children if merely talking to them poses a challenge.

In his book, “If Holden Caulfield Were in My Classroom: Inspiring Love, Creativity, and Intelligence in Middle School Kids” (Sentient Publications), esteemed educator Bernie Schein shows parents and teachers how he dismantled his students’ protective walls and fostered their intellectual and artistic abilities through his unconventional teaching style. 

The book focuses on the seventh and eighth grade students in Schein’s English and social studies classes at Paideia, a private school in Atlanta where he taught before retiring.  He was the principal of three different schools in Mississippi and South Carolina before joining the staff at Paideia, which he helped start.  He holds a Master of Education degree from Harvard University, with an emphasis in educational psychology.

By encouraging his students to acknowledge their emotions and embrace honesty, Schein fostered their appreciation and understanding of literature, and enabled them to craft rich and meaningful essays.  He conveys his process through detailed accounts of the interactions and discussions among the students in his classroom.  He relates the background of each student, describing the relationships and incidents in their past and present that have influenced their attitudes, outlooks, and social and emotional growth.

One of the many messages Schein imparts is that parental support benefited his students.  When discussing Betsy, Kathleen and Joseph, he writes, “They do have an advantage: their parents are supportive, or at least respectful, of their education, as are the parents of most of the students I teach.”

In a recent interview, I asked Schein what qualities characterize a supportive parent.  “They would listen to their children,” he says.

All children endure some type of trauma growing up, such as sibling rivalry or social rejection, which influences their behavior and attitudes, Schein says.  Children can learn and grow from these experiences, but only if they deal with them by opening up to their parents, he says.  The group “counseling sessions” that took place in his classroom helped his students discover their true feelings and muster the courage to share them with their parents.

Schein offers parents the following suggestions:

* Listen.  “Listening opens the child up,” he says.

* Refrain from lecturing.

* Allow children to express their anger openly.  “Truth is underneath it, and it can come flowing out,” he says.

* Refrain from trying to fix the problem.  “It denies his pain,” he says.

* Avoid cheerleading when the child is down, which also invalidates the pain.

A strong parent-child bond leads to greater academic and creative achievements, Schein says.  The notion that teens yearn to separate from their parents is a myth.  “They’re dying for a close, intimate relationship,” he says.  However, “a teenager doesn’t walk up to an adult—a parent or teacher—and say, ‘I need you, I love you, can you help me?’”  Instead, they act out and perform poorly in school.  “They passive aggressively just dynamite the entire household.  They’ll do little things.  They’ll do big things,” Schein says.  “They speak in opposites.  They act in opposites.”

In a section of the book intended for teachers, Schein discusses the importance of the parent-teacher relationship.  “Parents and I work very closely together,” Schein writes.  “I couldn’t do what I do without them, and I’m very grateful to them and honored that they would entrust their kids to me.  As long as I’m talking with them, we’re for the most part delighted with each other.”

To establish a connection with parents, Schein would meet with them individually at the beginning of the year “and take pains to explain what I was doing and why I was doing it,” he says.  In addition, his students got their parents involved by going home and talking about the class.  He also stressed to parents that they should contact him with any questions or concerns.  “If a parent calls me with a problem, the first thing they hear is, ‘I’m worried about this,’” he says.  “The biggest crime of all for a teacher, in my mind, is not what you do or what you see, but what you miss.”

In his “Letter from the Headmaster,” Paul Bianchi, head of Paideia, writes, “Over the years more than a few parents have asked me to intercede on their child’s behalf in the hopes that Bernie would be less demanding.  I do not accede to this request but instead insist that they talk directly to Bernie (which is where they should have gone in the first place.)” 

Schein says he responded to parents who complained he was too demanding by addressing the cause of the student’s problem with the workload.  “If the hysteria was real, then lets get to the root of the hysteria,” he says.  However, most of the time “the kid was being manipulative to get out of doing what he needed to do.  The kid didn’t know this most of the time.”   

Although Schein’s main goal was to help his students uncover the hidden truths and suppressed emotions that adversely affected their behavior and squelched their potential, he’s not opposed to discipline when necessary.  “Sometimes I’d give them calisthenics,” he says. 

If a student failed to hand in a homework assignment, he would tell the student not to return to school until he or she had the work.  He required the student to write the note home explaining the situation.

While Schein has retired from Paideia, he remains active in the education field through his workshops, talks and writing.  “When I retired I went nuts.  I wanted to go downtown and tackle people and ask them if they wanted to learn something.”

For more information about Bernie Schein, visit his website at http://www.bernieschein.com/